Bound By The Past (Born in Blood Mafia Chronicles Book 7) Page 5

  If she knew how little I wanted to control myself tonight, she wouldn’t have said that.

  I was relieved when the celebrations afterward came to an end and Valentina and I sat in the quiet of my Mercedes on our way to my mansion. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d betrayed Carla today, my promise to her, our love, the memory that kept me from losing myself to the darkness completely, but I hoped that at least from the outside I looked composed, in control. But I was sick of being in control, tired of holding onto an appearance of cold when I wanted to rage and destroy.

  Many months had passed since I’d last visited the Palermo, last released at least part of the pent-up fury. One would think that my life provided enough opportunity to relieve some tension and I had certainly made sure to take part in more attacks than in the previous years but it didn’t seem enough. Instead of calming the raging fury and sadness in my veins, every act of violence seemed to kindle a new, a hotter fire in my chest. Valentina slanted me a look, perhaps bothered by our lack of conversation but I couldn’t provide her with small talk, not right now.

  I was trying to honor her as my wife but that required that I didn’t lose control and as it was my composure was hanging at a threat. All through the evening, I’d battled with myself. I was angry at the situation, at everything, even at Valentina, which was unreasonable since this marriage hadn’t even been her idea. I prided myself on my logical qualities but right now, emotions overruled all else and threatened to pull me and the image I’d built apart at the seams.

  I tightened my hold on the steering wheel as I pulled the car up to the mansion that had been Carla’s and my home for almost twelve years, and would now become Valentina’s home too. Even that felt like a sacrilege. Valentina gave me another curious look, but I wouldn’t let her glimpse behind the mask. I led her into the house then up the stairs toward our bedroom.

  My eyes found Valentina’s cleavage, her enticing curves. Maybe I could get rid of some of the tension coiling in my body. Ever since Matteo’s dance with her and the appreciative glances other men had thrown her way, I’d felt the depraved need to stake my claim. I’d never been the primal type, never acted on my base needs, but I had been a different man back then, or maybe not different, but my dark nature hadn’t been as in control. With Carla, I had been restrained, never felt the desire for angry sex with her. She had been the calm in my life, the one who spoke to the good in me, to a part of me I wished was more prominent but would never be.

  I opened the door to the master bedroom and motioned for Valentina to go in, which she did with another searching look at me. My eyes followed the curve of her back to her ass that the dress accentuated in a very pleasing way as I stepped inside and closed the door. I’d moved into the bedroom days after Carla’s death, unable to sleep in the room I’d spent almost every night with her. I shoved the memories aside, forced down the wave of emotions they evoked, and focused on a safer notion: my desire for my wife.

  “The bathroom is through that door,” I said, as I walked past her toward the window, stifling my desire to grab Valentina, throw her down on the bed and fuck her from behind. She was my wife, and deserved at least some semblance of control from me. That I desired her made me already feel guilty. The whores I’d sought in Palermo had been chosen based on their sexual specialties, not their appearance. I hadn’t even given them more than a fleeting glance before I’d fucked them, but I had chosen Valentina, and even if I wanted to pretend it had been based solely on logic, I had to admit to myself that I’d found her desirable.

  The soft click told me Valentina had disappeared in the bathroom. I braced myself against the window, staring out into the dark night, focusing on the way my groin tightened, on the desire stirring in my insides, on the dark hunger that screamed louder than sorrow and guilt.

  When Valentina finally emerged, I was teetering on the edge. She cleared her throat, causing me to turn and take in the sight of her, dressed in a violet nightgown that hugged her curves. It was elegant and more modest than I’d expected. When my gaze finally settled on her face, I knew I wouldn’t find an outlet for my pent-up fury tonight, not because Valentina wouldn’t answer to my demands but because I couldn’t allow myself to act like that toward my wife, not when she looked at me with a hint of insecurity and shyness, and worse hope. Valentina may have lost a husband but she wanted me to take his place, to give her tenderness and love.

  “You can lie down. I’ll grab a shower.” The words came out like an order but I didn’t take them back as I headed into the bathroom and closed the door from Valentina’s confused face.

  I tore at my tie then thrust it to the ground before I removed my remaining clothes with the same violence. Only when I stepped inside the shower and released a long breath as the hot water poured down on me did I relax. I grabbed my cock, needing to get rid of the desire simmering under my skin. The woman waiting for me in our shared bed wanted something I couldn’t give her and she wasn’t ready yet to give me what I wanted. Soon she’d realize that this was a bond for outside appearances, no more. My release brought me little satisfaction, not that I’d expected it to, but when I returned to the bedroom fifteen minutes later, I felt more like myself, in control and calm. Valentina reclined on the bed, elegant, beautiful. My eyes took her in, could not stop, but again her expression reminded me why I had tried to control myself in the first place. I stretched out beside her, even though her scent crawled into my nose, calling to the desire I’d tried to quench. I met Valentina’s gaze as she stretched out beside me. She looked embarrassed and insecure, almost innocent, and it threw me off because I’d expected her to be different, because I’d married her in hopes that she’d be different.

  “I have an early day tomorrow,” I said, turning off the lights.

  Valentina’s even breathing sounded beside me and her scent still tantalized me, but in the dark, the past was stronger than my desire as memories resurfaced against the black canvas of the night. Carla’s sunken face, her raspy last breath, the fear and despair in her eyes, and finally the relief when it all ended.

  I avoided my wife like a goddamn coward. I prided myself on my restraint but in her company, I was shown how wrong I’d been. Every new attempt from her to seduce me tore another chunk of my wall down.

  Valentina didn’t give up. Part of me wanted her to keep up her pursuit until I lost my battle, the other, still stronger part, needed her to stop before I showed her why I’d avoided marriage for so long. Our first kiss awakened something in me I had trouble caging in, a hunger so unrestrained and wild, it threatened to awaken the parts of my nature that had no place in a marriage. And so I kept pushing her way. For my sake, but more than that: for her sake.

  I stared into the dark fireplace. The last embers had died unlike the fiery anger inside of me. It was difficult to pinpoint the source of my anger. Most of it was directed at myself but a part was for the woman who didn’t deserve it. Valentina.

  I resented her for the desire she stirred in me. She made me feel unhinged in a way I was unfamiliar with. I’d never experienced this kind of sexual desire, this need to consume someone.

  The sound of heels on hardwood floor attracted my attention but I didn’t turn. Valentina hovered near the doorway, beautiful as always, a siren calling to my base instincts.

  “Is it true that you frequented Club Palermo?”

  My fingers around the whiskey glass tightened. I didn’t want to discuss the past, and even less be reminded of my primal needs. “It belongs to the Outfit, but that was a long time before our marriage.”

  “So you didn’t mind the company of prostitutes, but you can’t take your own wife’s virginity?”

  Shock blasted through my composure. I looked at Valentina. Virginity?

  A desire so all-consuming it almost shredded my control took hold of me. With sheer force of will I reined it in.

  Valentina fled the room.

  With forced calm, I set the glass down and followed her, even if keeping my distan
ce to my far too tempting wife was detrimental.

  I found Valentina in the bedroom, staring out of the window. I approached her until I could see her tipped down face in the reflection.

  “Virginity?” I asked, standing close behind Valentina who kept looking out of the window, trying to hide her face from me. “You and Antonio were married for four years.”

  I thought of Valentina’s attempts to seduce me. She had appeared unpracticed and inexperienced but I had blamed it on her nerves about being with another man than her first husband. Now as I reflected on her actions more thoroughly, I realized that they could more likely be linked to her never having been with a man, but the question remained: why was she a virgin after having been married? “Valentina,” I said more firmly.

  “I shouldn’t have said anything,” she whispered. “It was just a figure of speech. I didn’t mean it in the literal sense. As you said, Antonio and I were married for four years. Of course, I’m not a virgin.”

  She was lying. I had no trouble detecting the lie and it raised my anger. Few people dared lying to me and they all paid a harsh price for it, but Valentina knew she was safe. Safe from the cruel nature of my being but that didn’t mean I didn’t have other ways to coerce the truth out of her. I touched her hip. She jumped in surprise and bumped into the windowsill with a gasp.

  The feel of her warmth through her clothes had a stronger effect on me than I liked.

  I focused on Valentina’s reaction, ignoring my own. “Turn around,” I ordered. Valentina turned to face me but she didn’t meet my eyes. I lifted her head, meeting those damn stunning eyes. As always, she shivered ever so slightly under my touch and that reaction went straight to my cock.

  Valentina didn’t try to pull away or lower her gaze. She held mine almost stubbornly but her chin tensed. She was nervous, and not just because of our closeness. She held onto a lie. The question was, which one.

  “So your words downstairs were simply meant to provoke?” I asked in a low voice. I hardly ever raised my voice, not even when I dealt with my soldiers, and I certainly wouldn’t when dealing with my own wife.

  Valentina’s eyes watered and a tear rolled down her smooth cheek, bursting on my index finger. I let go of her. Tears didn’t bother me. I’d had grown men cry on their knees in front of me, but the sight of my wife’s turmoil caused an unpleasant twinge in my chest. Valentina withdrew herself from my closeness at once.

  “Why are you crying?” I asked carefully, trying to figure out Valentina’s mood. She didn’t strike me as someone who cried often.

  “Because you scare me!”

  “Until today you never seemed scared of me,” I said. Evoking fear in others came naturally to me and it was something I’d used to my advantage in the past and still did. Fear certainly would have made Valentina reveal the truth but I didn’t want my wife scared of me.

  “Then maybe I’m a good actress.”

  “You have no reason to be scared of me, Valentina. What are you hiding?”

  Her eyes flitted down to my chin, avoiding my gaze, trying to cling to the lie she had no way of protecting. “Nothing.”

  I wrapped my fingers around her wrist, a warning and a request. “You are lying about something. And as your husband, I want to know what it is.”

  Valentina’s eyes flashed with anger, surprising me in their vehemence. “You mean as the Boss you want to know, because so far you haven’t exactly been acting like my husband.”

  She was right. I hadn’t acted like a husband, not a good one, not even a decent one. I had been trampling on those vows but that wasn’t the point, and I wouldn’t allow her to make it one. “Why would you still be a virgin?”

  “I told you I’m not!” She tried to evade the situation by ripping from my hold but I didn’t release her. Instead, I drew her closer until she was pressed up to me, but I regretted my decision the moment her scent hit me, a spicy perfume with a flowery note and Valentina’s very own tantalizing scent. Her pulse sped up, her lips parted, eyes dilated as she stared up at me. She licked her lips, a nervous gesture, and my groin tightened with a new wave of desire for the woman in front of me. I wanted Valentina, there was no denying it.

  I shoved the sensation down. “So if I were to take you toward our bed right now—” I said quietly and pressed Valentina closer to our bed. “—and make you mine, I wouldn’t find out that you lied to me just now.”

  She wouldn’t be able to hide it from me if she was a virgin. When I’d taken Carla’s virginity, there had been no mistaking it. Pain flared in my chest, burning hot, and I shoved any thought of her out of my mind.

  Valentina tugged at my hold. “You wouldn’t because you won’t take me to that bed now.”

  I focused on the woman in front of me. She’d tried to sound certain but a hint of uncertainty remained. “I won’t?”

  “No, because you wouldn’t take me against my will. You disapprove of rape.”

  “That’s what you hear?” I asked with a laugh.

  She held my gaze. “Yes. You gave the Underbosses direct orders to tell their men you’d castrate anyone who used rape as a means of revenge or torture.”

  “I did. I think a woman should never have to submit to anyone but her husband. But you are my wife.” In our world, a woman’s body belonged to her husband. Nobody would question me no matter what I did to Valentina, not only because my word was law but also because our old-fashioned traditions protected me.

  Valentina shivered, the sophisticated mask slipping, revealing what I often forgot: she was much younger than me. “But still,” she whispered.

  “Yes, still,” I said firmly and released her. “Now I want you to tell me the truth. I’ll always treat you with respect, but I expect the same from you. I don’t tolerate lies. And eventually, we will share a bed and then, Valentina, I’ll know the truth.”

  “When will we ever share a bed like husband and wife, and not just sleep beside each other? Will that ever happen?”

  If only she knew how often I’d imagined fucking her, and how desperately I wanted to throw her on the bed. “The truth. And remember I will know eventually.”

  Valentina ducked her head, her shoulders tensing.

  “Valentina.”

  “What I said in the living room was the truth,” she admitted quietly, looking up at me through her lashes. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

  A strange thrill shot through me at her admittance, unexpected and unwanted. “That’s what I thought, but now I ask why?”

  “Why is it such a surprising thought that Antonio didn’t want me? Maybe he didn’t find me attractive. You obviously don’t, or you wouldn’t spend most evenings in your office and your nights with your back to me. We both know that if you wanted me, if you found me desirable at all, I’d have lost my virginity on our wedding night.”

  Desirable wasn’t a strong enough word to describe Valentina. She was gorgeous, elegant. My eyes dipped to her neckline. During her few seduction attempts in the first days, she’d worn lingerie that had almost broken my resolve. Now I was glad my self-control had won out. If I’d fucked Valentina in those days, it would have been fueled with anger, hard and fast. I would have noticed her innocence too late and might have hurt her. That wasn’t what she deserved. And yet I knew she would never get the lovemaking she wanted for her first time. “I thought we agreed on the fact that I wouldn’t force you,” I said.

  Valentina’s chest heaved and she blushed further. “But you wouldn’t have to force me. You are my husband and I want to be with you. I’ve practically thrown myself at you for days now, and you didn’t even notice my body. If you found me attractive, you would have shown some kind of reaction. I guess I’m just lucky to always end up with husbands who find me repulsive.”

  Anger filled me. Anger at myself for being incapable of doing what I should have done on our wedding night. “You aren’t repulsive to me. Trust me, I find you attractive.”

  Valentina’s eyebrows twitched in doubt. How cou
ld she believe I didn’t desire her? Most of my damn thoughts these days revolved around fantasies of how I wanted to claim her pussy and mouth. I stepped closer to her, trying to ignore the way my body screamed to make her mine. “I do. Do not doubt my words. Whenever I catch a glimpse of the creamy white skin of your thighs…” I stroked her soft thigh, feeling goosebumps rise on her skin. She was warm and soft and mine. Shock flashed across Valentina’s face, followed by desire, beckoning to a side of me I was doing my damnedest to suppress. “Or when I see the outline of your breasts through the little nothings you wear to bed…” I continued, unable to stop myself from touching the swell of Valentina’s breasts. “I want to throw you onto our bed and bury myself in you.” The truth lingered between us and I quickly retracted my hand, forcing back my desire.

  “You do? Then why—”

  I pressed a finger against Valentina’s mouth, silencing her. The feel of her hot breath against my skin raised images of my cock in her mouth. It was a losing battle, I knew it, had known it for a long time. “It’s my turn to ask questions, and you promise not to lie.” She gave a small nod, worry swirling in her eyes. “Why did Antonio not sleep with you?”

  Valentina was a woman very few men could resist. I’d seen the way many of my soldiers looked at her when they thought I wasn’t paying attention.

  “I promised him not to tell anyone ever.”

  “Antonio is dead,” I said. It didn’t sit well with me that she chose loyalty to her dead husband over loyalty to me, but I knew I was being hypocritical. “I’m your husband now, and your promise to me is more important.”

  She looked away again. “Valentina?”

  “Antonio was gay.”

  Surprise washed over me. I’d always prided myself on being a good judge of character and Antonio had never acted in a way that would have suggested he preferred men. Of course, my soldiers knew they had to hide their disposition or leave me no choice but to punish them. “I never suspected anything. Are you sure?”